Letter 96

To whom it may concern
General history:
I am a forty six year old woman who has found that homeopathy has helped to make me become whole again. I have used many forms of counselling and therapies in the past to try to heal myself on a deep level. Homeopathy worked for me because it deals with the mind body and soul, it takes a holistic approach to the individual.
I was born in Birmingham in 1958 to Irish parentage I was taken back to Ireland in the 1960’s to live in Dublin with my parents, brothers and sisters. In October 1966 I was put into an industrial school for girls where I was physically and emotional abused in the institution. As a child I was living in a climate of fear and anxiety which was horrific. Even so, I was quite a rebellious youngster I was not going to allow my spirit to be broken or be imprisoned until I was eighteen. So I hatched my plan to run away from the institution eventually I managed to get myself out to freedom and free from poverty. I was quite cunning I had quite a lively spirit in me I was street wise from growing up in Dublin, to survive I decided to use my masculine energy of strength courage and determination in the day to day existence to survive. It was this fighting spirit the masculine energy that helped me to come through my time in the industrial school and get away.
I used this fighting masculine energy in my everyday life up to 18 months ago when I started to see Dr Zeb. I was used to going out and getting what I wanted I was very driven ambitious super woman keeping everything ticking over in the home, family, work and studying. But inside I was deeply unhappy I didn’t feel feminine attractive caring or loving, I was feeling sad, angry, resentful and totally lost. I wanted to withdraw from the world, cut up into a ball and die, then withdraw to the womb in order to give birth to the new me, that was waiting to be born. I didn’t fit in anywhere I had no role to play I had nothing to give to others I was spent I had nothing left to give.
I felt androgynous A sexual. I had no desire lust, there was a whole part of me that had not developed yet. The abuse has coloured my whole life my sense of self as a girl woman mother and wife. The vital feminine life force had been arrested I put it away in a safe place during my stay in the industrial school. I went from being a child to being a mother looking after my brother and sisters without having the time to nurture grow and explore my internal or external world around me, as to my feminine side who was I?
I had got to middle age woke up inside realising I had survived, now the mother role was coming to an end, as my children had grown up the two eldest had already left home and the youngest was about to go to university. I felt redundant lost the identity that had been carefully crafted was now obsolete. There were huge changes taking place on an external level with resistance, fear, and anxiety on internal level, which was blocking my vital life force. I could not understand my utter despair depression lack of self-confidence, anxiety and fear. I was feeling weary, irritable, and indifferent to my family, and worn out by the demands of everyday life.
On the surface I have a lovely home a supportive family and yet I felt so depressed isolated unable to cope, my vital life force was so low that I could hardly get myself out of bed in the morning. Everything was such an effort I had been to see my GP and she suggested anti-depressants, which I was reluctant to take so I carried on with the psychotherapy but even this did not elevate the feeling of depression. During the psychotherapy sessions I was going back and looking at the past wounds these sessions only provide a sticking plaster until the next session. The wound was seeping underneath I needed medicine to heal this festering wound on a soul level.
Then Dr Zeb name popped into my head a few times and I dismissed it thinking that I had tried homeopathy in the past and it had not worked when I was under a lot stress in my professional life. But it could not help me to deal with past childhood trauma. The thought persisted. It was my vital force, making a link, making its self heard through the depression through the physical and emotional symptoms I was experiencing. I could not just heal the physical or emotional symptoms it also had to include the soul, that was what was missing I had been trying to heal myself in a disjointed way either on a purely physical emotional or on a spiritual soul through transpersonal psychotherapy.
There was a block indicting some part of me was out of balance I started to listen to this inner voice that was telling me how I could invoke a holistic healing process. So off I went to see Dr Zeb he took my case history and prescribe Sepia:
Recovery:
I knew I was on the road to recovery when my dreams started to indicate that the homeopathic remedy and dose was correct. I began having series of dreams telling me that some healing and balance was happening on an internal soul level as well as the physical emotional level.
I realised that all these symptoms was my soul’s way of communicating with me, so I started to embrace the symptoms of depression instead of pushing them away. My soul was back in the equation. I started to respond to this remedy in various ways I became more interested in my family, home, wanting to do things even thinking about the future. Ten days into the treatment I ran out of the tablet remedy. However I felt myself slipping back into the depression and I had another five days before my next appointment. On my second visit to see Dr Zeb I told him what had happened he increased the dose to 3 tablets twice a day.
1. Dream
I was working with a woman who was heavily pregnant; she was going to give birth in 3 weeks time. I was busy organising her home, husband and 3 children. Her husband was very fussy and wanted me to stay working until 10.30 pm, which I refused as I had my own life. Then her husband suggested that I go to Vegas with them when the baby was born. “Everything would be paid for”. I felt unsure about her husband. I knew I was there to help this woman during the labour and the birth, I felt much focused because I knew what my role and purpose was in this situation.

2. Dream
I went to stay in Co Wicklow looking around a large fair I wanted to purchase a long green coat for myself. I went looking from stall to stall I was unable to find what I wanted the clothes were all very dated and old fashioned. I saw a material poster holder I decided to take it down to look at it thinking I might buy this instead, but then changed my mind it was the blending of colours purple red and violet that put me of.
3. Dream
I was in a large open space that was very traditional. I was working for this middle-aged man who I found attractive, and he was also attracted to me. We both tried to resist these feeling because I wanted to go to a part of ancient Greece where they spoke in English. But this man was not sure because he was struggling with his conscious. He then gave me a package that had a beautiful yellow and white gold with a symbol of moving water in between the gold. Its design and beauty amazed me.
4. Dream
I was with a homeopath that had increased the medicine; I told him that the new dose was working. I informed him that I was feeling more balanced with enthusiasm drive and energy. I was able to deal with this woman who gave me a task to do in my new job. I found that I could not organise the task but now I could accept this failing in me. The woman knew a great deal about me and suggested that I live on what I had for the time being. She knew I couldn’t do the job. I needed to go back to pick up my brother from this school that was old and dilapidated. I needed my energy for this task at 3.15 pm.
In these dreams, a middle-aged man gave me a small package that had a beautiful yellow and white gold bracelet I was amazed by its design and beauty. I wondered what these dreams were trying to tell me I started to think what was the meaning behind the symbolism in these dreams is. Symbols is the language of the dream world the bracelet had yellow and white gold which represent a balance of ying and yang yellow meaning masculine white meaning feminine a balance of masculine and feminine energy within me. Water is a symbol of movement was this indicating my energy channels were now unblocked and there was communication on a soul level maybe my feminine sexuality has been designed and developed through those childhood experience which produces its own beauty.
Jewellery is something that we wear in contemporary culture to adorn ourselves and enhance our beauty in the world. Was this saying that healing had taken place and now I could show my feminine side as well as the masculine side to the world it didn’t need to be denied or hidden I could be an attractive woman who had desire passion, jewellery is what we put on to adorn ourselves to make us attractive to others on the outside world was this indicating that maybe I was amazed by my own attractiveness and beauty to the man in my dream. Is my feminine side awakening through a desire to be intimate? The awakening of the drive of the libido?
“From the starting point of the Jungian ‘soul’ they come to stand for the unseen wealth of the unconscious because they are energy and light, they have the tendency to pass from the level of hidden knowledge to that of primeval energy”.
Dictionary of symbols 1996 page 554
Yours sincerely
Mrs M. T. L.